5 Conflict Resolution Etiquettes [everyone should know]

5 Conflict Resolution Etiquettes [everyone should know]

5 Conflict Resolution Etiquettes [everyone should know]

I think you agree with me when I say:
Relationships (romantic or otherwise) are one of the most challenging tasks anyone encounters…
Or is it?

Well, it turns out that one can learn how to become better and more skilled at relationships by learning how to manage conflicts.

The nature of relationships has changed and many married and unmarried couples are now facing more relationship stress than ever before. There was a time that two people got together primarily for survival reasons but now that most people have found independence in many different areas of their lives, they strive to connect with people on a whole new level. However the challenge is that since this “new level” is new and unknown many don’t understand how to navigate it. Moreover, nowadays this generation of young adults (between 25 to 40) is more confused about the meaning of commitment than ever before. They witnessed their parents’ relationships which was based on need and survival and they despise that type of connection and commitment. Left without a clear sense of what it means to connect and commit many create their own meaning of commitment. This could be effective and it could also be disastrous. When couples come together with their own rules, conflicts arise. Imagine that you decided to live in a foreign country and you have no prior knowledge of the laws that govern that country and what it means to be a good citizen. So, you decide to live by your own rules. There is high probability that you will get into lots of troubles; same analogy applies to relationships. Conflicts arise when people have their own rules about relationships and they are not willing to understand or learn the rules and etiquettes of relationship maintenance. This is an extensive topic of discussion and many factors contribute to it from personality types, culture, religion, education, finances, etc., in future blogs, I will write more about the influence of these factors in relationships. Let’s now focus on some basic conflict management skills that are essential to develop in every relationship.

1) Focus on the issue, not the person.
When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, or mocking tones, the conversation is no longer productive. Be careful to focus on the problem without placing blame on your partner. If a disagreement becomes personal, you should pause the conversation.

2) Use reflective listening.
Sometimes during disagreements we focus on getting our own point across rather than listening to our partner. Before responding to your partner, restate what they have said to you in your own words. Continue this process until your partner agrees that you understand. Next, share your side. Your partner should reflect back your ideas in their own words until they too understand. Using this technique will help both individuals feel listened to and understood, even if you disagree.

3) Use “I” statements.
When sharing a concern, begin your sentence with “I”. For example: “I feel hurt when you don’t tell me you’ll be late”. With this sentence format we show that we are taking responsibility for our own emotion rather than blaming our partner. The alternative sentence—“You never tell me when you’re going to be late”—will often cause a partner to become defensive.

4) Know when to take a time-out.
When you and your partner are becoming argumentative, insulting, or aggressive, it’s a good idea to take a time-out. Have a plan in place so you or your partner can call for a break when needed. Spend some time doing something alone that you find relaxing. When you’ve both calmed down, you and your partner can return to solving the problem. Be sure that you do return—it isn’t a good idea to leave these issues unaddressed.

5) Work toward a resolution.
Disagreement is a normal part of a relationship. If it becomes clear that you and your partner will not agree, focus on a resolution instead. Try to find a compromise that benefits both individuals. Ask yourself if this disagreement really matters to your relationship, and let yourself move on if not.

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